Rape is without a doubt every woman's greatest fear. My friends and I have discussed this topic now and again about what one needs to do to protect onself but have yet to come up with an full proof way of doing so, and so it still remains our greatest fear. This morning I had cause to revisit that fear, after I heard on radio of 4 women who were gang raped this weekend.
I will never for the life of me understand why men rape women and what we have to do with men's war games. Only yesterday I was reading about the rebels fighting in Congo. The victims of the war? Yep, the women of Congo. What they have to do with the fighting between the rebels, I don't know. For these women, rape is an everyday ordeal, age doesn't even matter to this rebels, any one they come across with a vagina qualifies from 7 year olds, who are held hostage for days and gang raped, to 70 year old women. According to the article, coming across a 70 year old woman is rare..they've all being killed.
The atrocities being committed again the Congo women are unspeakable, mothers being raped in front of theirs sons, sons being asked to rape their own mothers with guns held to their heads..why? because the rebels are at war. The 2 times now I've watched and now read about the Congo women, my heart has gone out to them. Closer home, cattle rustlers after stealing the cattle, rape the women, thieves going to steal in a home and raping the women. Why? Worse still is the justification that people, often men sometimes fellow women, attempt to make, what was she doing out that late, why was she wearing clothes that skimply, trousers that tight..she was asking for it.
For the Urban woman, rape is often as a result of a matatu that you took to get home getting 'jacked', the car you're driving is 'jacked' or when walking home from the bus stop, down a dimly lit path and someone jumps out of the bushes and accosts you.
To be raped in your own home, taken from your bed, has got to be the most devasting feeling ever. Even after choosing the place you live in carefully in an attempt to be safe, well lit estate, electric fence, panic button..all this didn't help the 4 women..at the end of it all, even after 'co-operating' with the thugs, as everyone advises, they still got raped.
That the women of Congo, Kenya, everywhere in this world, find inner strength within themselves to move on after such an atrocities goes to show how resilent women are.
That is what brought it closer home to me this morning, what made it different from all other rape cases I've read, being told about, listened to. With it came a feeling of helpless and a feeling of slight depression. The fact that the women got raped in their own home, woken up from their own beds, by strangers..where will I ever feel safe again?
I will never for the life of me understand why men rape women and what we have to do with men's war games. Only yesterday I was reading about the rebels fighting in Congo. The victims of the war? Yep, the women of Congo. What they have to do with the fighting between the rebels, I don't know. For these women, rape is an everyday ordeal, age doesn't even matter to this rebels, any one they come across with a vagina qualifies from 7 year olds, who are held hostage for days and gang raped, to 70 year old women. According to the article, coming across a 70 year old woman is rare..they've all being killed.
The atrocities being committed again the Congo women are unspeakable, mothers being raped in front of theirs sons, sons being asked to rape their own mothers with guns held to their heads..why? because the rebels are at war. The 2 times now I've watched and now read about the Congo women, my heart has gone out to them. Closer home, cattle rustlers after stealing the cattle, rape the women, thieves going to steal in a home and raping the women. Why? Worse still is the justification that people, often men sometimes fellow women, attempt to make, what was she doing out that late, why was she wearing clothes that skimply, trousers that tight..she was asking for it.
For the Urban woman, rape is often as a result of a matatu that you took to get home getting 'jacked', the car you're driving is 'jacked' or when walking home from the bus stop, down a dimly lit path and someone jumps out of the bushes and accosts you.
To be raped in your own home, taken from your bed, has got to be the most devasting feeling ever. Even after choosing the place you live in carefully in an attempt to be safe, well lit estate, electric fence, panic button..all this didn't help the 4 women..at the end of it all, even after 'co-operating' with the thugs, as everyone advises, they still got raped.
That the women of Congo, Kenya, everywhere in this world, find inner strength within themselves to move on after such an atrocities goes to show how resilent women are.
That is what brought it closer home to me this morning, what made it different from all other rape cases I've read, being told about, listened to. With it came a feeling of helpless and a feeling of slight depression. The fact that the women got raped in their own home, woken up from their own beds, by strangers..where will I ever feel safe again?
Comments
I was a bit happy to see awareness groups and suppport facilities coming up.
For instance, rape victims go for an anti-retro-viral programme for free.
What we need is to make changes in attitude and information. The education system has to evolve to something that caters for morality as a whole. We need to treat rape like the disease it is and enhance our knowledge in treating and preventing it.
As we talked with Yoda, media houses need to be more responsible. Fine the crime has been commited and should be reported and made publci but It becomes more of an issue of showbiz. More of terrifying and disturbing than informative and assisting. Media should appeal to the public for solutions and set up a channel that people can use to help rape victims, and not be too concentrated on the gory details.
Kenyans are also in great need for a mental change. Things like vaginal monologues are treated like they are embrassing and inappropriate. Yet the very people who shun such things do not understand and don't want to understand what women go through. And feel them. Experience life with them. They just want to close their eyes to a reality.
This is one topic I always feel reluctant to comment about.... a deep sense of dread accompanied by a pervading feeling of guilt tends to weigh down my hands before they can reach the keyboard.... I feel guilty that I'm a man in a world where my fight against the degradation of women seems so ineffectual..
People say that by doing something small ( which in my case means treating a woman with complete love, honour and respect) you can change the entire cosmos. But am I really changing anything? Simply because I dedicate myself to serving the wom[ae]n close to me in the best way I can, am I really changing the world...?
Regardless of the fact that a man tries to show that the world is not this dark place full of vile creatures, women are still enveloped in a acid cloud of debilitating fear... I'm apprehensive that we can change the world or even have the ability to...
The truth
Men are not evil, nor are we the manifestations of the devil's machinations. I can guarantee that less than 10% of men actually commit rape.
If this is true: that men actually cherish and worship women (as I do), then why the FUD(Fear Uncertainty Doubt) that has insecurity suddenly embraced all women. Why is Lesaan unsure that she'll "ever feel safe again"...?
The truth is that we're being programmed to become a society incapacitated by and mired in fear. Case in point: at 7am today, I turn on Kiss FM to listen to news.
Lucky guess for the first 3 news items:
1)3 women raped.
2)6 year old girl molested by father.
3)Rapists going free.
We are destroying our children
Now consider this:
1)My four year old sister will listen to this kind of 'motivating' message 365 days for the rest of her life.
2)My four year old cousin will listen to this kind of 'inspiring' message 365 days for the rest of his life.
By the time my two loved ones are 20 what do you think their mindset will be like? Lilian, my sister will be constantly paranoid that either a family member or a random vagrant will pounce on her and violate her pristine sexuality.
Brian, my cousin, after being fed messages that reinforce then malevolence of the male psyche, will be [sub]consciously convinced that he is evil. He will either rebel against society and in his self-hating ,self-effacing anger, cause Lilian's fears to be realized or he'll end up raping some other hapless woman walking down the streets of this beautiful city.
Remember this: When one is fed persistent messages that denigrate his race, sex or person, and these messages are reinforced by external circumstances, the individual begins to hate himself, his race and his sex.... WE ARE DESTROYING OUR CHILDREN!!!
Solution
Our problem is that we've been bombarded by negativity. Lesaan, you are now a victim of a form of rape worse than anything physical.. You're a victim of psychological rape, that despicable underhand mental molestation that will now gnaw at your heart from within. You and you friends will reinforce it with your discussions. Radio and TV will reinforce it as they flood you with your fears. Your neice, your nephew will grow up with an exponentially greater self hatred, loathing and fear than you can possibly imagine....
We need to rehabilitate rapists (and avoid bullshit means) but most importantly we need to rehabilitate ourselves...
Lesaan, don't live in fear.. control your fear and take over your reality.. Be the first woman to make a mental change that will be the precursor to an outward reality change...
Perhaps, in your own small way you can change the world...
I feel I should reiterate an important point(The most important point). I repeat this point because I feel you missed a fundamental precept of the human psyche.
I have no objection with people being informed(we had a debate with Cosmic leap about this exact thing)... However, I need to know one thing: What is the value of each incremental rape story that you are made aware of? I argue that that it quickly reaches a state of diminishing returns.
The news doesn't tell you who the woman was or even how to help her so what's the point of being bombarded with that information day in day out?(punctuated by storie's of random acts of murder)...What is the value of that information if it doesn't profer solutions? What is it's value if it doesn't allow you to help the victim?
My argument is this: Feed people consistent negative images and they WILL become negative...
Feed my nephew's mind with stories of men being rapists and he will become a rapist .. How do you think this phenomenon proliferated in the first place...?
How do you imagine a paedophile is created? To him, his urge is as natural as a 'straight' woman's need for a male...
Let me ask you this: Why is it that the Christian obsession with eliminating sin has been accompanied by an exponential acceleration in general sinning?
Why is it that the war on terrorism has been accompanied by an increase in terrorism?
Why is that the increased media focus on crime and rape has been accompanied by a palpable increase in the same?
Focus on the wrong thing and, Lesaan, we will be guaranteed to get a reality where 10-15 women walk into Kenyatta Hospital everyday as victims of rape.
You believe this information empowers you and that's true... But there comes a time, after one has been made initially aware of a situation, that the incremental increase in information only serves to negatively debilitate the consumer of that information...i.e diminishing returns.
How much more do you really need to know about rape to know that it's real? Does my niece need to hear about it every morning for the rest of her life? And then read about it on the net? And then hear it from her friends every weeknd? And then hear me ranting and raving about it?
Protect our children's minds and our problem will be solved... Begin at the beginning...
So to answer your question, in the meantime here's what we need to do:
1)Imprison (for life) reporters who proliferate tragic stories without accompanying it with a positive way foward...
2)Choose our thoughts carefully. When we talk to our children and tell them not to take sweets from strangers, we need to make sure we don't bombard them with ideas that human beings are inherently untrustworthy. It's a thin line between being safe and being paranoid...
3)Remember that less than 10% of men are rapists
We need to champion this fact. This will create a positive mentality within society that will wipe out rapists... The only reason they survive and proliferate is because the mental attitude society has fosters their existence and creation... A repeat offender is expected to become a repeat offender so what does he do? He repeats the offence (in order to vindicate our preception of him...)
4)Remember that more people are killed by pigs than by sharks... This means that we need to carefully think about how we solve our problems and more importantly where the actual problem is.
5)Champion our victories. We need to proclaim from the mountain tops that many women are never raped and never will be. We need to shout from the rooftops that we live in a country with wonderful good men who love and respect women. We need to yell from the roofs of sky scrapers that we can walk safely in our streets and fear nothing....
We need to champion even the smallest of our victories.
Just like Lesaan said, by force of will, we will change the world but only if we can change our minds and focus on solutions instead of obsessing about the problem.
ps. Lesaan, I'm glad you're not living in perpetual fear... you're initial post had me worried.
Obsession in doom is worse that the doom itself...
Yoda I think it is more than the media that is to blame.
We are to blame too.
And in a way you say this.
but it's not purely intentional.
If my deskmate was carjacked when he was going home... should he tell me? should I listen?
Coz like it or not, it did happen and it was truly terrible.
And if he tells me, do I tell you, or anyone else, or do I just keep it to myself and try to forget it.
The "It never happened" syndrome
If I see a guy getting clobbered from 9th floor as he is crossing the road... do I tell you?
And if I don't and the same happens to you coz you were not expecting it - how do you think that will make me feel?
So we tell, most of the time coz we care.
Though we must realise that many problems are caused in good faith. Like all those internet rumours that go around. I mean it's insane!!
Aids infested blood in your food, needles on the cinema seats, thugs on every road, prostitutes in every alley with swiss knifes, hard drugs being consumed heaviliy in every school...
We need to find the truth.
We need to be responsible listeners and news conveyors.
"Trust, but verify." Ronald Reagan
If a sister comes and tells you
"Brother, I have seen 2 guys getting shot, the murderers sounded like women but it was not clear"
Please don't change it to "I have seen 2 women in all black matrix style blow the heads of 4 guys into bits, then they chopped their balls off and roasted them, in the middle of the streets!! can you believe that?!?"
Instead, if you really care. You will find out details and see what you can do to help. Ama niaje Lesaan?
Do you know that 99% of all those petition things and what not that come to your mail are fake. Do we care to go to
Hoaxes in your inbox
or just simple google for it before we spend to all our friends and relatives?
Do we even know how to identify hoaxes?
And that an area that the media has failed totally.
Do they really give to smoking bananas if someone was gang-raped or not? or are they just to eager to feed into the minds of disaster-happy kenyans yet another dish of late night horrors?
There are good things happening the country,
I always you to say and still do that "87% of Kenyans are HIV negative!!!" how cool is that?
Do you ever get to read headlines like "Road Minister is doing an excellent Job!" or "Kenya is the best country to Live in!"
That is news!!! We want that kind of news.
I agree with Yoda, It doesn't add value to hear of yet another rape victim, you already know that shit is ugly.
But like Lesaan I believe it does add value to know that rape cases in south B have increased and so that we can do something about it, get cops to patrol the place. Hunt and shoot dead the 10% of these men that rape.
And there is a lot we can do to help the situation:
We can attend and participate it rape awareness and education.
We can donate to rape victims support centre(after we know what it is called... ;-) )
We can find out the truth when we are being told abut it and report the story in a responsible manner in a bid to help and not to thrill.
Soon maybe. we can have the critical mass to insist of amendaments of laws to see that rapists are all shot at range in public.
That the news that is broadcasted or goes around border on making things better and not worse.
We can donate to the invisible protective femidom research.
But most importantly we need to stop ignoring or just complaining about rape and actually do something about it.
Fighting and protecting those nearest to us is a nice positive step, but we need to acknowledge the fact that in some homes boys are told "rrrrraaaaaaapppppeeeeeee!!""
and girls " shuutt up and get rapeed" Yoda you can cover the ears and eyes of your niece when all these bad news is going around but what of her best friends ears? her teacher's mouth? a crazy teenger's lust? What about those? or even you r niece's ears and eyes when you are not around?
Do we care?
I bet if you or one of your loved ones were one of the victims; your perception on rape would change completely. Most of you are social paths if you ask me.
Inconsiderate, selfish mean, heartless people!
I hope you guys experience it so you know what is feels like to be forced sexually to do something you don't want to do.