Men are Simple... Let's Not Complicate Issues

In the last post on why men dog, my good friend distilled the theory of man (as distinct from woman) into one simple concept: sex!

I was shocked when one of the commenters, who I believe is a man, argued against the thrust of the post. Afterwards it hit me: Some men have been convinced that they are complex creatures. For ages women have tried to get us in touch with our sensitive side, to the point where we've actually began to believe them and the media. Then, in an amazing example of synchronicity I came along a post on radical simplicity. I've shamelessly quoted the whole post below. Women, please listen: We men are hopelessly simple. We are not as complex or hard to please as you are. It's all black and white (mostly white:))with us:

Couple of nights ago, I caught the notorious comedian Dave Chapelle delivering his stand up routine in which he spoke passionately and convincingly about the need for radical simplicity. While talking about how most women are lamenting the death of chivalry, Chapelle remarked how it is they, women, who actually killed it. He blamed women-centric media (actually, women’s magazines) for writing phony articles about men and their needs. You see, women, said Dave, know absolutely nothing about men. And not knowing anything about the real needs of most men, they ruin everything by fantasizing about what is it that men truly want. These fantasies then get published in high circulation women’s magazines, which most women read and then form completely screwed opinions on how to deal with their men. Not surprisingly, this resulted in the death of chivalry, as men gradually shied away from the time tested principles governing the gentlemanly behavior.

Chapelle related how he recently saw a women’s magazine in his girlfriend’s apartment, which had the following headline on its cover: “100 Ways To Please Your Man”.

This is where Dave made his plea for radical simplicity. I’ll paraphrase here, but in a nutshell, here is what he said:

It is totally unreal to blab on about hundred ways to please a man. In reality, there are only four ways that a woman can please her man:

1. Perform oral sex on him (Dave used a bit juicier language here, but you get his drift)
2. Play with his testicles a bit (again, imagine a bit juicier language here)
3. Make him a sandwich
4. Talk less

So there you have it, in a nutshell, a radically simple list of only four ways a man will get full satisfaction from his woman. Basically, anything above and beyond these four activities will pretty much fail to impress most men. So, the advice is to stick with the radical simplicity and forsake all the unnecessary complications.