2 Feet
For those close to me it's a pretty public secret that I intend to stop consulting for what I like to call my best client.
Initially, this was meant to happen last month. My business partner convinced me to wait till the initial launch of our first products before I left. He further convinced me to be pragmatic and realize that we need the capital I get from my sole client.(95% of my income is invested in my business).
So the deadline suddenly became flexible. One month has become two has become three....What strikes me the most is a question that lingers and nags my mind day and night:
Yes... I've said it... Yoda, the hot blooded raging pantheon of ambition actually feels raw atavistic fear.... I know it can't be fear of failure. After all failure does not exist... so what is it?
Why is it that even though I am guaranteed millions (nay billions) of dollars and sure success I still hesitate and use the excuse that: "I've been advised to wait by someone I trust".
Why is it that even though I've been promised that beautiful women and champagne will fall from the heavens if I walk out of this office right now, I still hesitate like a new born calf struggling to find it's feet?
The reality, however is that it's not fear of failure that paralyses me. Quite the opposite. My dominating fear is the fear of success. When I think about it, I'm probably not alone.
I fear that I'll actually leave this life I know so well... this life of mediocrity and communist uniformity. This life where all that makes me stand out is the fact that I can't stand out. Like a chameleon I blend into the bleak background of underachievers that traverse and dominate the streets of Nairobi. Like a weakling, I congregate with the masses, the 80% who produce 20% of the economy's total output. Like an ant I seek to become more like the rest, I seek to lie on my belly and let my two feet atrophy.
6 Feet
Acceptance is the first step to healing. I've accepted my fear? So how do I heal. How do I accelerate myself into powerful action far beyond anything I've previously done or envisioned?
My destiny is to change the entire face of Africa. I can paint the picture. I have seen the vision. God has whispered the truth in my ear. This is my time. I can't lose. I can't die. I can't be defeated. A bullet through my skull couldn't stop me. This is all veritable fact.
I know that if I do not make this move soon, I'll be confined to death. My grave will be unceremoniously prepared and the mud that covers my corpse will be eager to rot my flesh before I can polute the earth with my feeble indecision. Death is far more than physical. Death occurs mentally before it affects any other faculty. Death can be no worse than the demise of a dream that is tossed in a virgin field ,left to lie fallow and then forgotten for eternity.
I can't let this dream die. I have to fight to realize the life that I know is destined to be mine. How can I spit at the cosmos and deny what is truly mine?
Now more than ever I know the truth:
The Road Less Travelled
My decision has been made and in the spirit of fence sitting, I will appease both my deamons.
My fear of success will be appeased lengthening my truncated calender. My deadline, from today, is 3 months. My daemon that pulls me to success will also be appeased. I will increase my work day from 16 to 20 hours and reduce my sleep by a further 2 hours. In addition, I will sleep one day less during the week i.e I will have at least one 48 hour day every week.
All this time will be spent working and-most importantly-learning all I need to become the man I must be. All my plans are drawn and the mission is clear.
Success will be mine along this road less travelled
For those close to me it's a pretty public secret that I intend to stop consulting for what I like to call my best client.
Initially, this was meant to happen last month. My business partner convinced me to wait till the initial launch of our first products before I left. He further convinced me to be pragmatic and realize that we need the capital I get from my sole client.(95% of my income is invested in my business).
So the deadline suddenly became flexible. One month has become two has become three....What strikes me the most is a question that lingers and nags my mind day and night:
Why do I fear to stand on my own two feet?
Yes... I've said it... Yoda, the hot blooded raging pantheon of ambition actually feels raw atavistic fear.... I know it can't be fear of failure. After all failure does not exist... so what is it?
Why is it that even though I am guaranteed millions (nay billions) of dollars and sure success I still hesitate and use the excuse that: "I've been advised to wait by someone I trust".
Why is it that even though I've been promised that beautiful women and champagne will fall from the heavens if I walk out of this office right now, I still hesitate like a new born calf struggling to find it's feet?
The reality, however is that it's not fear of failure that paralyses me. Quite the opposite. My dominating fear is the fear of success. When I think about it, I'm probably not alone.
I fear that I'll actually leave this life I know so well... this life of mediocrity and communist uniformity. This life where all that makes me stand out is the fact that I can't stand out. Like a chameleon I blend into the bleak background of underachievers that traverse and dominate the streets of Nairobi. Like a weakling, I congregate with the masses, the 80% who produce 20% of the economy's total output. Like an ant I seek to become more like the rest, I seek to lie on my belly and let my two feet atrophy.
6 Feet
Acceptance is the first step to healing. I've accepted my fear? So how do I heal. How do I accelerate myself into powerful action far beyond anything I've previously done or envisioned?
My destiny is to change the entire face of Africa. I can paint the picture. I have seen the vision. God has whispered the truth in my ear. This is my time. I can't lose. I can't die. I can't be defeated. A bullet through my skull couldn't stop me. This is all veritable fact.
I know that if I do not make this move soon, I'll be confined to death. My grave will be unceremoniously prepared and the mud that covers my corpse will be eager to rot my flesh before I can polute the earth with my feeble indecision. Death is far more than physical. Death occurs mentally before it affects any other faculty. Death can be no worse than the demise of a dream that is tossed in a virgin field ,left to lie fallow and then forgotten for eternity.
I can't let this dream die. I have to fight to realize the life that I know is destined to be mine. How can I spit at the cosmos and deny what is truly mine?
Now more than ever I know the truth:
If I do not find my two feet, then 6 eager feet will find me.
The Road Less Travelled
My decision has been made and in the spirit of fence sitting, I will appease both my deamons.
My fear of success will be appeased lengthening my truncated calender. My deadline, from today, is 3 months. My daemon that pulls me to success will also be appeased. I will increase my work day from 16 to 20 hours and reduce my sleep by a further 2 hours. In addition, I will sleep one day less during the week i.e I will have at least one 48 hour day every week.
All this time will be spent working and-most importantly-learning all I need to become the man I must be. All my plans are drawn and the mission is clear.
Success will be mine along this road less travelled
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