I'm in turmoil. I'm puzzled about something? How the hell can a man keep a woman happy over the long term?
The Problem
When a relationship begins everything is extremely intense. The conversations are intense. Every moment spent in each other's presence is dense with electricity between the two.
The heat as the lovers gravitate towards each other is so powerful that the only possible response is to rip off each other's clothes to cool the flames of desire.
The sex is explosive... nuclear explosive... The man can do no wrong and his love is always dynamic, new, amazing, nasty, different.... When the man says he's coming into town, the girl almost collapses, weak at the knees, loins burning with the rivers of desire as she awaits the tryst.
One year down the line, the man calls the woman to tell her he's coming to town and her response is less than stimulating. Her heart doesn't flutter, her breath doesn't get shallow, her cheeks don't get flushed, she barely registers a reaction that extends below her neck...
In short, she is underwhelmed... After a night of what has now become standard sex, she has a conversation with her girlfriends. Here's what she says:
The Question
I've interviewed a large number of women to try and find out. I never get a concrete answer to the question:
The women I've talked to unanimously agree that the sex eventually gets pretty standard and unexciting.
After a couple of months, the crotch conflagration that he instantaneously triggers has now died down into two hour drudgery. To make it worse the drudgery climaxes in a wet match spark that is easily surpassed by a dildo from Ann Summers(tm) and a healthy amount of lube.
So, what's the solution? How can I make sure that the woman I want to commit to constantly walks into Java House the next morning and tell her girlfriends:
Her girlfriends would then turn to her, flushed, all of them wishing that they could have her man...
The Problem
When a relationship begins everything is extremely intense. The conversations are intense. Every moment spent in each other's presence is dense with electricity between the two.
The heat as the lovers gravitate towards each other is so powerful that the only possible response is to rip off each other's clothes to cool the flames of desire.
The sex is explosive... nuclear explosive... The man can do no wrong and his love is always dynamic, new, amazing, nasty, different.... When the man says he's coming into town, the girl almost collapses, weak at the knees, loins burning with the rivers of desire as she awaits the tryst.
One year down the line, the man calls the woman to tell her he's coming to town and her response is less than stimulating. Her heart doesn't flutter, her breath doesn't get shallow, her cheeks don't get flushed, she barely registers a reaction that extends below her neck...
In short, she is underwhelmed... After a night of what has now become standard sex, she has a conversation with her girlfriends. Here's what she says:
.. I mean.. it's like the sex used to be so exciting... I mean it's still good but you know... I can tell what he's going to do.... I mean he starts playing with my nipples for about 5 minutes, he then kisses my neck and begins caressing my bum as he works his tongue in my mouth for about 3 minutes...slowly he trails down my tummy and starts giving me head for 10 minutes... ... i mean.. it's so mundane these days....
The Question
I've interviewed a large number of women to try and find out. I never get a concrete answer to the question:
How can a man keep his bedroom magic fresh forever?
The women I've talked to unanimously agree that the sex eventually gets pretty standard and unexciting.
After a couple of months, the crotch conflagration that he instantaneously triggers has now died down into two hour drudgery. To make it worse the drudgery climaxes in a wet match spark that is easily surpassed by a dildo from Ann Summers(tm) and a healthy amount of lube.
So, what's the solution? How can I make sure that the woman I want to commit to constantly walks into Java House the next morning and tell her girlfriends:
Wow!!! That man is an animal in the bedroom.... He did things to me last night that should be illegal even in private...I've never ever had so many orgasms in one night!!!
Her girlfriends would then turn to her, flushed, all of them wishing that they could have her man...
Comments
What happened to sex/ making love being mutual.
If it has becoming mundane, it is both their fault - man and woman.
And ideally they should work together towards making it exciting. Try new things, see what suits them best for a particular season.
Maybe she likes it from behind more now... and her disappointment is that you don't realize this.
But this is not a unique problem, Yoda. Most women believe, you should always know what to do if you are truly the guy for her.
I think that's the biggest solid piece of crap that has ever existed.
You should impress it upon her that it is important that she trusts you enough to tell you the whats. how and wheres
Plus, foreplay and romance?
She is supposed to say 'he started with looking into my eyes with such passion...." not "he starts with playing with my nipples"
Then later he took me to a florist to chose the flowers I want... or something like that.
Somehow all our lives seem to be geared towards a moment of conquest. The day you will get a job, get a woman, get a baby...
But the lessons that we need to learn about handling that new acquisition when it is no longer new seem so elusive.
we tend to take things for granted.
Let's go back to the original question.
But how do we really keep that bedroom exciting?
or maize plantation, or car boot.
Let's put all these into perspective. I'd appreciate some help here.
1. Call her. meet with her. Talk about your sex life in details. and what can done about it. And create an environment where you can talk about sex freely and easily.
2. Watch Kamasutra and read "Sex Starved Marriage: A Couple's Guide to Boosting Marriage Libido" together and try out what have learn.
2. Have sex in a hotel room. At the back bench of a bus. In the waiting room of a hospital. at the stairs outside the FWL office.
3. Buy her lingerie, whips and cuffs, buy yourself the same. encourage her to buy hint "Toys in Babeland"
4. Buy a diary for escapades that are wild. follow it like your life depends on it. Get new exciting things to do and add to it , google for ideas, ask friends, ask the blog. bookmark sexuality.org and get podcast feeds from "open source sex"
5. Become romantic. Dinners. roses. walks. smses. candy. roof tops. singing for her. salsa classes. surprises in books, hidden places, puzzles...
6. Don't take it to personally if you are told that you need to do more of something, something, none of something, or less of something.
7. Listen to the woman.
8. Become adventurous, push your creativity to the limit and beyond.
9. Read Wambzz's line - Do you realise that very many women put up with some really bad sex because the man is a good husband or father to her kids. Many times over.- buy a manilla write this on it and hang it over your bed.
10. Take her to hotels and running round in the nude with straw hats. be playful.
11. Encourage her to talk about sex. talk her dirty to her. Encourage her to do things and watch. do things and let her watch.
12. Read Lesaan's line "Treat her well - if i'm upset i don't care what you try chances are I won't enjoy it! And remember women and elephants have one thing in commond - the long memory!" many times over. make those words your screen-saver in 3d.
Somewhere I got lost:
Controversy 1: Do we all women talk about sex among each other?
Controversy 2: Accg to the way I understood it(wambzz comment), the women who gets a good husband and bad sex is very happy, and may not talk less of her man(lesaan?)
Controversy 3: Yoda, are you excited. Is your mouth trembling in anticipation? Is it only her who has lost the fire?
Controversy 4: We should have very good sex, enjoy making love and we should not hide behind other responsibilties - our work, family,
eccentric idiosyncrasies, dogmatic and moral fanaticism, laziness and lack of a sense of commitment to this cause.
Controversy 5: Is sex an end? or a means? Just how important is it?
I was greatly sadenned by the jaded comment that "its unrealistic to expect the same kind of fire and passion in your relationship after a certain period...". Call it the naiveté of youth, but I'd like to beleive that it's possible especially if I follow the advice from Wambzz and Lesaan....
I think the most important thing I garner is that "sex is not just sex", and that her emotional needs MUST be catered to with as much tenacity and dedication as her carnal needs....
What angers me slightly is the sheer difficulty of getting a woman TO TALK about what she likes\dislikes... getting her to reveal her most sordid fantasies so that the man can get down on his kness and fulfill every titillating temptation is a herculean task to say the least... or maybe it's just me...
Personally, I say fuck my ego, I WANT to know the truth... how can I please you better? How can I please you more? Tell me, you're the one who benefits anyway...lol... How is it that women are blind to this immense value proposition.?!?..
I'm still thinking and I will post some more comments later... for now, let me absorb what I've read... I've got A LOT to learn.