Recently, I was looking at the logs for this blog and noticed that one particular post has become popular among readers. It was posted by Lesaan in June last year. The post was titled Loved and Lost.
In that post, Lesaan, in a rare display of vulnerability and emotion, detailed her experience of heartbreak. The post was very deep and the comments that resulted were equally interesting. I was shocked when I read the comments I made on that post.
Naivety is a strange and embarassing thing. In fact, I was so embarassed to read my own words that I was tempted to delete those comments so that no one would know how ignorant I am concerning matters of the heart. Sadly, deleting that comment wouldn't help because I've found those comments on Google's infinite cache as well as a host of other search engines. As a wise man said: Google never forgets. But I digress.
My comments were along the lines of: "Get over it... you'll heal, time sorts out everything, don't lose your love for falling in love, keep your heart open to the next person to come into your life." Actually, if I were selling detergent, that would have been a modestly good sales pitch. However, in real life, where hearts break with resounding pain, the solutions aren't so simple. Wambzz outed my callowness when she said:
In my defence, at that time I was in amodestly fulfilling unfulfilling relationship. I was optimistic because I had seen an opportunity to move away from my [then] current lukewarm relationship and into a new relationship with someone infinitely better than anyone I had ever had the honour of meeting. This optimism was blinding. When I'm in love, it's virtually impossible for me to think straight or communicate coherently. It's as though I'm wearing rose coloured glasses that make everything I look at beautiful. I had had some terrible breakups by the time I commented on Lesaan's post, but my current situation ensured that I couldn't make a meaningful judgement.
Since that time, I have learned, the hard way, that "relationships" are much more complicated than anything I could possible imagine. Talking to CosmicLeap recently, I told him that love is a game I do not understand. The result is that I always end up losing. I'm a man playing a game of Chess when I think that I'm playing Checkers! At the beginning of this year I decided to stop playing the game until I'm mature enough to understand the basics of the game. Now, I realize that I may never attain that level of understanding.
This led me to another important revelation: Not everyone deserves love, not everyone can handle love, not everyone can manage love and not everyone will ever even find love. This is a painful reality but it is true. This means that some of us are better off focussing on more important things than looking for love.
That being said, love is a game of probability which favours those who have the largest sample on their side. In short, you need to cast your net far and wide, attempt to avoid disease or death, and eventually you might find someone you can spend your life with. Even then, if I meet an average of one hundred new chics every month (I'm currently averaging twenty new acquaintances a month), it is still not guaranteed that I will find anyone. The trick then, I think, is to stop looking for a saviour. We often think that love is this supreme ideal that will cure our spiritual and emotional cancer. It's become more and more apparent that Love has been put on too high a pedestal. In the end, the only definite guarantee that you have is that you will end up alone, the same way that you came into this world.
We might as well get used to it.
filed under: BeingSingle
In that post, Lesaan, in a rare display of vulnerability and emotion, detailed her experience of heartbreak. The post was very deep and the comments that resulted were equally interesting. I was shocked when I read the comments I made on that post.
Naivety is a strange and embarassing thing. In fact, I was so embarassed to read my own words that I was tempted to delete those comments so that no one would know how ignorant I am concerning matters of the heart. Sadly, deleting that comment wouldn't help because I've found those comments on Google's infinite cache as well as a host of other search engines. As a wise man said: Google never forgets. But I digress.
My comments were along the lines of: "Get over it... you'll heal, time sorts out everything, don't lose your love for falling in love, keep your heart open to the next person to come into your life." Actually, if I were selling detergent, that would have been a modestly good sales pitch. However, in real life, where hearts break with resounding pain, the solutions aren't so simple. Wambzz outed my callowness when she said:
Nick, from your comment I think you have never really really suffered a heartbreak...really? But then again you are still young...its hard to look at it so philosophically - personally all I would have wanted...still want to do in a very distant part of my heart is kill the nigga...shoot his balls and feed them to the pigs...pluck his pubic hairs one by one with a tweezer....I dont care that tomorrow I might feel better; I just feel better imagining my revenge. Thats my two cents worth.
In my defence, at that time I was in a
Since that time, I have learned, the hard way, that "relationships" are much more complicated than anything I could possible imagine. Talking to CosmicLeap recently, I told him that love is a game I do not understand. The result is that I always end up losing. I'm a man playing a game of Chess when I think that I'm playing Checkers! At the beginning of this year I decided to stop playing the game until I'm mature enough to understand the basics of the game. Now, I realize that I may never attain that level of understanding.
This led me to another important revelation: Not everyone deserves love, not everyone can handle love, not everyone can manage love and not everyone will ever even find love. This is a painful reality but it is true. This means that some of us are better off focussing on more important things than looking for love.
That being said, love is a game of probability which favours those who have the largest sample on their side. In short, you need to cast your net far and wide, attempt to avoid disease or death, and eventually you might find someone you can spend your life with. Even then, if I meet an average of one hundred new chics every month (I'm currently averaging twenty new acquaintances a month), it is still not guaranteed that I will find anyone. The trick then, I think, is to stop looking for a saviour. We often think that love is this supreme ideal that will cure our spiritual and emotional cancer. It's become more and more apparent that Love has been put on too high a pedestal. In the end, the only definite guarantee that you have is that you will end up alone, the same way that you came into this world.
We might as well get used to it.
filed under: BeingSingle
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